Relations of Conflict are defined by mutual disinterest and confusions of attitudes. Conflictors usually find each other’s disposition to be inappropriate and unnecessary. Their inherent differences encourage initial interest, and they attempt to help in each other’s lives. After all, a Conflictor takes over aspects of life where the other one is unsure. They try hard to find support in one another, but the closer they get, the quicker they realize their attitudes do not align. This is a recipe for disaster, as we know that unmasking differences as individuals get closer is the opposite of how we want to intimately bond with one another. It usually does not take long for Conflictors to realize their native incompatibility. Occasionally, certain individuals confuse resistance for passion and this can lead to a tumultuous and rocky relationship that is usually bound for disaster. With enough insight, it can result in personal growth, but this is rare.
The Conflict relation inspires feelings of inferiority in each partner. The dominant aspect is the other’s insecurity, and the insecurity is the other’s dominant aspect. If either partner asserts themselves, the other feels like their needs were not accounted for. Inversely, questioning coming from the other partner feels like an intrusion into the most important aspect of life. Both have trouble acting freely without offending the other’s sensibilities. It is easy for both people to feel misunderstood. Typically, individuals with this relation leave each other alone after frequent confusing interactions. This relation is similar to the Specificity relation where partners conflict with the dominant and insecure aspects. However, relations of Specificity allow the individuals to bond over topics relating to their flexible aspect, leading to smoother interactions than Conflictors.
It is an initial challenge to effectively communicate with a Conflictor. Individuals in this relation try to find common ground even if miscommunication happens. The flexible attitude is the other’s unconcerned attitude, and the unconcerned attitude is the other’s flexible function. This is exactly why the Conflict relation is even, as all attitudes are equally pressuring the other.
While one individual attempts to relate to the other partner in the relationship, they are not easily persuaded. They can feel ignored when the effort to establish common ground does not work. Meanwhile, one partner mainly feels that they are not getting to the point, and this can cause the other to mitigate this confusion by communicating with their own flexible aspect, and similar results happen. This mutual boredom of conversation is similar to the Customary relation, where the flexible and unconcerned attitudes are also switched. Nevertheless, individuals in a Customary relation can discuss the best ways to accomplish their shared main priority in life, unlike Conflictors.
Individuals in relations of Conflict often stay out of each other’s radius as much as possible. The Conflictor can appear that they are good at life, similar to the relation of Duality. Their lifestyle appears to be the least appealing way to do so, however. It is challenging for them to impress one another. One is confident where the other is unconfident, but it is tough to convince each other to attend to weak points. Even shared common interests can pose a communication barrier over the most enjoyable aspects of the subject. After a time, it is healthy to understand that the other sees life as a different game with different pieces – someone who lives their life differently is not “bad”.
The best way to understand a conflictor is to remain as civil as possible. Recognizing that each human has inherent ways of expressing themselves and their interests can go a long way in learning to co-exist with Conflictors.